it's
Face-Palm Friday!

AMAZING FACT: One inch of rain falling on 1 acre of ground is equal to about 27,154 gallons and weighs about 113 tons. ONE-LINERS: For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour. Turns out this was not the Apple Watch she was expecting. My wife says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate lately. I just found out my countertops are slate. I've been taking them for granite this whole time! I was kicked out of a restaurant last night. If they say "All You Can Eat," they should do a better job of guarding the other tables. I went to the optometrist the other day and said "These glasses are really bad. I need a new pair." He replied "You sure do. This is a Starbucks."